now

I dont feel like I have a friend to talk to about how i’m feeling. I just want to cry. I’ve been bottling up my emotions so I can ignore my problems and finish school. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m losing my faith in religion and what everyone has ever told me about life has been information that only makes them feel better. But it doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel like a fool. Like the white lies your parents told you when you were younger so you could sleep at night. My rampant paranoia is getting worse. I don’t trust anyone. The one person I trusted more than anyone else betrayed me. What does one do? What does one do when their heart is crushed but you don’t have time to properly process your own feelings? le sigh. Maybe tomorrow I will live better than today. But now, I’m not well.

i’m bored

Truly bored. I am bored with everything. I am bored with my life. I’m not suicidal, i’m just bored. I am an artist and I who is hyperaware that I will never make anything of value or new in form. The only thing that makes this world turn is money and I don’t have any of that. I don’t trust anyone and I am not happy. I want to be happy but my inside screams to me that I will never be happy. Whats wrong with me? Why don’t I care?